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Halo
Feb 23, 2016 22:07:09 GMT
Post by Sara Gather on Feb 23, 2016 22:07:09 GMT
Tobias
He had waited for her to be far gone before moving from his spot in the kitchen and cleaned the glass she had held and had drank from, and just set it bake where he had taken it from earlier and put away the empty beer bottle. He hadn't slept that noght, not well anyway, but you couldn't see he hadn't. So he got out bed, fixed his clothing and hair as he made himself ready to go to school and got all his books ready, grabbing his backpack as he walked over to the frontdoor. He opened the door calmly to leave his house and closed the door behind him again, locking it and walking over to the busstop so he could get his bus to school. He waited calmly for the bus, stepped on it, got off at school and walked through the gates, looking straight in front of him as he walked inside and to his class. He had noticed Evelyn right after he had walked into the school building, saw that she seemed to be in an aweful good mood today and it made him worry at one point, though he ignored it right after and looked in front of him again, not thinking about her more than was needed. He had said not to care a bout her, and if she reacted this way to it, that was fine by him. Though the thought he picked up by coincidence wasn't something he really enjoyed. He'd do something about it later, if it was true. He'd break his word at that point, but she wasn't ready to die yet, she just had to open her eyes up instead of looking only at the ground, seeing where she walked to. He walked to his class as he sat down somewhere at a window and there were not many people in here, so he could sit wherever he wanted at this point, and Evelyn could sit to someone else instead of him. He hated the feeling of being controled at this point since he had thought it would be simple to let her go and do his own thing, though it seemed to be harder and it annoyed him more and more again. He ignored the thoughts as he sat down and put his arms on the table, resting his head on them as he closed his eyes and tried to get some sleep since he hadn't closed an eye tonight.
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Halo
Feb 23, 2016 22:23:42 GMT
Post by Mary-Anne Rogers on Feb 23, 2016 22:23:42 GMT
Evelyn
She walked into class, humming softly as she walked past the desk of the teacher where empty sheets laid on, she grabbed a couple and then noticed her normal seat was empty, so she walked over to it and sat down calmly, snuggling up a bit since it was fairly cold outside and she finally felt the warmth hit her skin. She blew a few strands of hair out of her face as the rest was braided again, framing her face whilst the ends of her braids laid still next to her thighs due to her having her feet on her own seat. Only this day, just eight hours of school to endure, then she'd find the things she wanted, drink one last time, perhaps smoke a blunt one more time just for the fun of it. She smirked slightly at the thought and closed her eyes, resting her head back against the window. It felt like a relief, even though she felt unease as well, but that she pushed away. She doodled a bit on the first sheet of paper that laid on top of the stack of three. Meanwhile she kept listening to music, although she had stopped humming, in her mind she was singing along. Good spirits, good mood, scary vibe since people didn't expect her to look practically happy. The teacher entered the class and she took out her earbuds, stopping the song and laying her phone away. The first four hours were from this fella, she remembered, so that meant that after four hours plus a fifteen minute break, there'd only be 45 minutes of a break and four hours left between her and her own little farewell party. She let out a silent chuckle, looking around the classroom. She noticed Tobias a few seats in front of her, yet she didn't react much to seeing him, as it didn't phase her. In fact, she probably should thank him for making it all a hell of a lot easier. Four hours passed easily and she sat outside now, letting the sun hit her face for once, instead of sitting in the shadows so she was away from all the people in the schoolyard. This time she sat on a bench, by herself, smoking a cigarette whilst she held her eyes closed and sighed out softly, listening once again to the music loudly banging in her ears. This, was a peaceful day, this was a good day. It was blissful, and it troubled her in a way that she only felt this way when she was close to her deathbed, rather than feeling this way normally. "What a drag," she sighed out softly and inhaled the smoke once more.
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Halo
Feb 23, 2016 22:51:09 GMT
Post by Sara Gather on Feb 23, 2016 22:51:09 GMT
Tobias
He hadn't said anything to her, nor looked at her as he had his eyes closed for the most part during the lesson. The teacher didn't seemed to mind, so why would he? During the brake he also just stayed inside since the sun would be annoying and Evelyn was going outside too, so he rather just stayed in here and waited for class to start again. He was too lazy to stand up, and he was too tired to talk with people, but it helped that no one talked. Becca still hadn't returned, she was still at the police office, telling how she got the drugs probably. He didn't care about it really, as long as he just get to go home tonight and sleep. A human life was hard.. Why was it so hard? He sighed at the thought again as he hid his face more and held his eyes closed, trying to catch some more rest. He had listened to the thoughts of people around and had noticed Evelyn's again, and it annoyed him. Why did he always come out on her thoughts? How fucked up was she to say that this was a good day because she would die tonight, though he had to break her happy idea's about that. If she could be that happy because of dying, she could be that happy about living too, if she'd like it or not but she got herself a guardian angel and it annoyed himself that it had become like this. He grumbled something underneath his breath as he thought about how he would stop her. He had to just barge in before she could do anything and stop her from doing it, that should do since he couldn't do anything more. He couldn't change her look on the world, though he could try. He shook his head slightly at himself as he stretched his legs and held his eyes closed, waiting for the day to be over and then be the angel he was and stop her from doing anything.
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Halo
Feb 23, 2016 23:08:47 GMT
Post by Mary-Anne Rogers on Feb 23, 2016 23:08:47 GMT
Evelyn
Once again, four hours flew by, making the day easier, surprising Evelyn with how fast it all had went and how easily it all had gone, it relieved her. The day had been silent for her, none had talked to her, the teacher had barely noticed her presence, it confirmed it for her that she wouldn't be missed and she could leave without a second thought. She stretched out, walking home, knowing her caretakers, her foster parents, would be home late tonight. They trusted her too much, in her opinion. She yawned quietly since the day did drain her, eight long hours of school was a pain in the arse but she had worked through it. She grabbed her spare key, unlocking the frontdoor as she closed it behind her and locked it again, walking around the house as she searched for the sleeping pills she knew she had somewhere, yet they had hid it from here. "Hide them a little better with the next persoooon.." She hummed, finding the pills and shaking the small bottle in her hand, nodding satisfied as she grabbed her phone from the table and went upstairs. She threw both on her bed, walking to her stereo as she turned the volume up after turning the thing on, playing her favourite songs one after another. She walked to her closed, a cigarette between her lips, one of her last, she thought. After searching a bit she found a black dress, it was long, it had a train of about 25 centimeters, she guessed, but it was beautiful. Though, seeing it brought a feeling of nostalgia. Whilst hanging the dress up on her closet door, she sighed and looked closely at it. It still looked new, she had never worn it, but funny enough it meant a lot to her. The black was made out of lace, the waist being hugged by black fabric that was slightly shimmery, long sleeves would reach over her hands and stay there due the thumb hole. It had a long cut collar that would show off her collar bones, yet nothing more. The back was cut low, it'd reach to the dimples she had in her back, exposing the pale skin with slight freckles once she'd wear it. It was like a deathsuit, but dress form. Something her and her brother had bought together years ago, since she was done growing real fast. He had a black suit, completely blacked out, with red detailing. "Maybe you'll finally come see me," she whispered to herself, chuckling as she grabbed a pair of black heels that were completely matte, they'd make her a lot taller too with the 14 centimeters they had. Those were fairly new, but she figured they'd look great. She searched in a bag that was in her closet, took out a necklace and hung it around the hanger of the dress as well. The cigarette was finished, so she put it out and sung along again softly, looking in the mirror as she took off her shirt, watching her slightly boney, slightly on the skinnier side figure move to her breathing. She always had been on the slightly skinnier side, yet she had a good weight and was healthy, it was just her posture and her height that made it all look worse. She fixed the straps of her bra, walking over to the sweater that hung over her desk chair as she put it on, grabbing the bottle of liquor on the desk as she took a few sips. "I hope they have good booze in hell," she thought to herself aloud. She tilted her head slightly, grabbing the rolled up blunt between her fingers as she hummed once again. It was a wrong idea to drink and smoke weed, yet with the kind she had it never had done her wrong, it never turned against her and since she already was getting herself fucked up, she figured it didn't matter anymore. So she lit it, took a deep inhale and moved along to the beat of her music that blasted, bending back slightly as she blew the smoke up towards the ceiling, making a waterfall halfway by inhaling she smoke through her nose again as she closed her eyes and smirked. It was a good day to die, she thought, pushing the nagging feeling away completely.
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Halo
Feb 23, 2016 23:33:59 GMT
Post by Sara Gather on Feb 23, 2016 23:33:59 GMT
Tobias
He had gone home for now when school was finished and lied down on his bed, keeping a close eye on what Evelyn was doing right now, getting annoyed at how she all planned it out and how she dressed and behaved. What was that all about? He almost felt sorry not letting her die if he saw how happy she seemed about it. He frowned and looked up at his ceiling, thinking about many things right now while he still noticed everything she did right now. He just couldn't understand why she was so happy about thinking that she would die tonight, times could get rough, he knew that, but why give up? There was enough to live for, now she just played right into everything that the people around her had wanted, though he can't see her parents being happy on how their daughter had turned out to be. The carekeepers should also just take care of her in the first place, that was what they were for right? He shook his head again as he got ready to leave and go over to her place to stop her from doing stupid things, though she already did, smoking weed, drinking, she was an idiot... He glipped into her house, being invicible and making sure he wasn't to be noticed, though her music stood pretty loud so the chance that she heard him in the first place, was pretty low. He stood in a corner of her room, looking at her clothes and how she acted right now before she would sentence herself to death. He looked at the bottle of pills on her bed and he made sure every pill that was in the bottle was replaced for mints since she probably didn't have checked what was inside of the bottle and just thought that the pills would be in it. It was stupid for her to think like this, and it was surely stupid for her to think all this would end if she would die, and she really thought that he would leave her alone, but he wouldn't do that, he couldn't do that in this situation. If she had just lived on and even went back to the demons, he wouldn't have done anythin, but when it came to suicide, he wouldn't let her, not as long as he was still alive.
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Halo
Feb 23, 2016 23:53:02 GMT
Post by Mary-Anne Rogers on Feb 23, 2016 23:53:02 GMT
Evelyn
She nodded along a bit to the song that played, singing softly since she didn't want to scream and grunt, at least not yet. She took another big gulp from the bottle, licking her lips afterwards to get the lingering taste off her lips. She moved around a bit, grabbing the pills from her bed as she looked at them, blunt still in her other hand as she took another inhale, tilting her head slightly whilst she blew out a circle, the pills going straight through the middle which made her let out a chuckle whilst the let the rest of the smoke escape through her nose. Perfectly timed, that was nice. She shook the bottle slightly and placed it on her desk. Her room wasn't that big, but it was enough for her and more than she had had before. The caretakers weren't that bad, they were the best she had had, if she thought about it. But they couldn't always handle her and she understood that since she was a hand full, perhaps five. "Perhaps the next one will be better for y'all," she mumbled, tilting her head as she took a sip from the bottle again, sighing out softly as she snuggled into her sweater and closed her eyes for a moment, sighing out softly. She waited for the right song, her all time favourite song she wanted to hear one last time before dying and probably returning a demon. Another inhale as she grabbed the bottle with the pills and took one in, since she wanted a headstart. Yet, she frowned, looking at the pills as she bit the pill through, the taste of mint filling her mouth even more. She growled deeply, sniffing slightly at the bottle as she closed it up again, inhaling deeply as she threw it across her room, storming through her room as she sat down on her knees and basically crawled underneath her bed to take out a box, she opened it and looked at all the bottles that were meant for pills, all the containers. She started searching, throwing out empty ones or ones she didn't need, trying to find the one she needed yet it was all gone. Out of frustration she groaned loudly again and threw the box away, running her hands over her head. "I know they were in there!" She shouted angrily about the first container she had in her hands, the ones that were meant to kill her, yet had turned to mints. She frowned deeply, glaring at the bottle that laid on her floor as she walked over to her desk and shook her head, downing the bottle for a couple of big gulps, until it was almost empty as she leaned over her desk, her hands on the surface as she closed her eyes and sighed deeply. "For fuck's sake.." She whispered and frowned, walking to her closet as she grabbed the chair close to it and stood on top of it, grabbing the other bottles of liquor as she threw them on her bed so they had a safe landing whilst she jumped down from the chair and walked over to the bottle on her desk, emptying it in her mouth as she grabbed the blunt and let out a chuckle, inhaling deeply as she relaxed again and closed her eyes slightly more. "There are always alternatives.." She whispered quietly to herself, glancing around the room to see if there were more options, listening to the music as she calmed down again, opening her drawer roughly from her desk as she looked down at it. "Both wouldn't hurt," she mumbled, grabbing the small box as she took the ash tray and blunt and walked to her bed, placing it all down whilst she sat down against the headboard and pulled her legs up. She laid the box down last, the sound of metal softly clashing together as it was put down.
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Halo
Feb 24, 2016 0:35:35 GMT
Post by Sara Gather on Feb 24, 2016 0:35:35 GMT
Tobias
He had stayed quiet, watching how she took one of the mints and wasn't happy with it at all since it landed right before his feet, so far his hiding. He knew that she would try other things from this moment on, but he wouldn't let her get away with anything. He had looked at the bottles o liquor she had thrown on her bed and made it all fill with water instead because everything she did right now or was trying to do, was no good. He held a hand before his nose and mouth to cover himself from the damp from the blunt, since it really smelled bad and it made him feel sick to the stomach, and it wouldn't be a good thing if her closet would begin to vomit out of nowhere. He kept a close eye on everything she did right now and looked at the box she got out of her drawer and frowned as he heard the sound of metal through the loud music. God, why? He growled in himself, making it sound low so it wouldn't be heard through the music and he thought about something he could do right now. Talking would be no use, and making it disappear wouldn't be good either since she'd notice. Something that was of metal and didn't hurt. a lot of necklaces, thick metal plates, he'd go with the jewelry. He made sure it all got changed in rings and what not and looked at Evelyn. He wouldn't let her, with every thing she would want to try, he wouldn't let her do the things she wanted to do right now. He eventually just appeared and looked her way, shaking his head slightly as he turned the music down with just a glance at the stereo. "You know, you're making it hard for me to ignore you," he spoke as he moved his hand away from his face and crossed his arms as he looked her in the eye. "What else are yo utrying to kill yourself with? You have mints, water and jewelry, so what's next? Huge trampolines underneath your window?" He asked as he kept his eyes locked on hers making her unable to look away like that time he had done so with Jacky. Though he knew that Evenlyn was stronger than that and wouldn't fall quiet due it, and if she did, than he had guessed that she was stronger than most.
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Feb 24, 2016 0:51:53 GMT
Post by Mary-Anne Rogers on Feb 24, 2016 0:51:53 GMT
Evelyn
She inhaled deeply and rubbed her face, closing her eyes for just a moment as she reached towards another bottle and opened it up, taking a sip as she frowned again, swallowing the water as she looked at the bottle. "Son of a bitch!" She hissed, closing the bottle again as she immediately reached for the box. "It won't stop me," she mumbled to herself, glaring at the box as she opened it, only to see rings which made her scream in frustration as she threw the box away and jumped up upon her bed. This was utterly insane! She knew she had blades in there, she knew she had them. She had used them just yesterday, there was no way that it could've changed since no one entered her room. She groaned loudly and suddenly snapped her neck at the stereo when it turned louder, her head turning along as she looked at Tobias with a killer glare, becoming deeply angry now that she saw him, knowing it was all his work. His words annoyed her deeply, they infuriated her, enraged her. Wasn't he supposed to leave her alone? Not care anymore? She grunted, snorting as she tried looking away, yet he had locked his eyes on hers and made it impossible, yet she could move, so she moved from her bed towards him, but that was as far as she could go, tension build up inside of her and it was hard to do something else. She bit the inside of her cheek roughly, chewing through the newly healed skin as her glare kept playing up more. "W-Why.." She started, it being hard for her to speak but she was persistent. "Are.. You doing this?" She eventually yelled at the top of her lungs, her voice raw and angered, a deep frown settling between her eyebrows as sadness washed over her like a tidal wave and she couldn't escape the flood, she inhaled shakily, frowning more as the sadness build up in her eyes, yet she couldn't look away and it made her feel utterly vulnerable. "I-I don't see the point of you doing t-this," she spoke, the struggle of speaking becoming harder due the lump in her throat as she bit the inside of her cheek even harder. "What's your fucking reason for this?! Why do you care when I said you shouldn't?! Why do you keep following me around?!" She stepped closer, her feet extremely heavy for her to lift, her gaze not breaking away for a single second as she just wasn't able to. She slammed the side of her fist against his chest once she was close enough, followed by the other, then back again, the movement repeating itself as fast as she could manage and as harsh and rough as she could get out of her. "I just want to die! That's all! I just w-want to die! I don't want this anymore! S-So why take that away from me?! Toby, fucking answer me! Fucking answer me! Answer me! Tell me what the fuck I'm supposed to do in this hellhole that I know I created?! I don't know how to get myself out of it! So answer me! Answer me!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, a sob breaking away from the lump in her throat, even though she had tried so desperately to keep it in. She was able to break away her gaze now that she was breaking down, her gaze turning to his chest as she kept punching him over and over again. "It's unfair! It's so unfair! I should've died long ago! Why can't I do it?! Why does everything turn against me every damn time?! I-" Her breath hitched in her throat as another sob tried to escape, yet no tears fell, not yet at least. She bit her lip, knowing that if she'd talk now, she'd break into tears and her voice would break and she didn't want that. Anything but that, she'd take all hell over showing tears. Her gaze averted to the floor, closing her eyes as she rested her hands on the back of her head whilst she tried to calm herself down again, so she could stop her whining and the scene she caused even more.
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Feb 24, 2016 1:22:50 GMT
Post by Sara Gather on Feb 24, 2016 1:22:50 GMT
Tobias
He didn't react to her glare towards him and just stayed were he stood right now, keeping his eyes locked with hers as he saw how she stood up and walked closer towards him, but once again he didn't care about that. The yell didn't make him flinch as he just looked at her and shrugged, waited for her to shut up and looked at her reactions, noticing how she eventually got her eyes off of his and it made him soften his gaze more again as he saw how she was on the verge of breaking, and he had to say he liked that much more than the happy state she had been in right now, eventhough the punching on his chest had hurt a bit, but it was fine, he could take a hit, especially from a human. "I'm doing this because what you try to pull off isn't good for anything. And I don't really have a reason, but I never once said that I would keep everything true from what I had said. I just told you to fuck off and not to think, talk, look to me. Am I right? And as I had said earlier. I don't listen to 17-year old fucked up humans, and you fall in that part. I won't let you die since you are young, and hell has nothing to give you, you won't get to run away from it all since you'll get the sins pumped into your mind, over, and over, and over again until you lose it more and more and you'll go insane, and that's not pretty Evelyn. You can't run away from all the annoyance and pain on this earth since it will be ten times worse when you die. I don't want you to go through that. They'll pester you with your past, make fun of you, use your past to get ou to break down more, that's no solution at all." He had said as he looked at her when she had averted her gaze to the floor and he stepped a bit closer to her, bending over slightly. "If you don't know how to get out, ask help. If you try to do it all alone, you'll come nowhere, don't give up just because you have to trust one person and you're just fucking afraid that you'll fuck it up again and make them run away from you over and over again. I'm sorry that it has happened to you before, but you'll have to keept trying." he whispered next to her ear, but he didn't touch her with even a little hair, he didn't saw the use for that right now. "As for your last question, the world is not ready to let you go just yet, make the best out of it since hell will fuck you up more. And now talk, since it will not be usefull if you shut up right now. Speak up, scream, yell, whatever, tell what's on your mind, who cares about tears, it's not like I'm going to tell other people and it's not like other people would see you right now." He spoke as he set a step back again and leaned against the wall, looking at her and tilted his head slightly.
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Feb 24, 2016 1:50:11 GMT
Post by Mary-Anne Rogers on Feb 24, 2016 1:50:11 GMT
Evelyn
She listened to him, it wasn't like she had much of a choice, but she also needed answers to her own questions and he was answering them for her, as she had directed his questions to him, so once again it was a reason to listen. Yet she didn't like the answer and when he stepped closer it made her feel all the more sad and broken, but mostly like she had failed another attempt. She frowned deeply and bit the inside of her cheek as roughly as she could, shaking her head violently when he stepped away again when his words were spoken. Talk? Speak up what's on her mind? Was he insane? She let out a chuckle as she inhaled shakily, her breath hitching halfway through as she stepped back and let herself fall down onto her bed, although she sat and closed her eyes, holding her head in her hands for a while. Minutes passed, sadness building up inside of her whilst anger did so too. What was the use of talking? It didn't make sense to her anymore, she had given away enough from her surface, digging deeper hurt. She bit the inside of her cheek firmer, tasting blood once again yet it made her bite more. She didn't want to talk, she hated it. But he was right, that she knew. It was such a struggle that it made her chest clench and tighten, making it harder again for her to breathe. Eventually she reached for the blunt, licking her lips as she inhaled the smoke and laid down on her bed, keeping her feet dangling slightly on the floor as she blew the smoke out, trying to calm down that way. Not that it worked, so she put the thing out, taking too many breaths with it would only do her worse from here on. She stood up again, holding her hands on her head as she walked around her room, frustrated to the limit since she didn't see her way out of this and she so badly wanted to get away from the situation. Eventually she slammed her clenched fist with her knuckles towards the wall, it happened roughly and immediately make her knuckles ache, becoming scratched and slightly bloody already. No, that wouldn't help either so she groaned and frowned, nothing helped and everything kept welling up inside of her, eventually she just had to spill. She reached her limit. "Why are you doing this.." She whispered quietly, trying so desperately and hard not to make her voice break, yet it was no use. Her voice already was huskier and raw, filled with utter sadness as she walked again, closer to him this time. "What's on my mind?" She laughed quietly for a moment, it sounding hoarse. "Death. Death. Death. Death!" She eventually raised her voice more and looked at him again, her eyes watery, yet tears didn't dare to leave and make a trail on her cheeks. "Anger, violence, taking another drink, another pill, even though that's fucking water and mint! I don't need a goddamn mouthwash, do I?! I need something to clear this fucking insanity in my motherfucking mind!" She pointed at her temple with her index finger as she looked fiercely at him, yet her gaze softened again and returned to sadness. "It's not like hell is much different, you know?! It still sounds like a fucking blessing because hallelujah, I'll be damned to devour myself into insanity whilst it's not much different from what I'm doing here!" Her voice become louder and stronger, yet it wasn't shouting yet. She groaned loudly out of frustration. "I just want all this ache to end.." She eventually whispered, very quietly, after a pause of two minutes. Her gaze had returned to the ground, since it seemed easier to spill words that way. "I am such a fuck up, a fucking failure. It angers me so much that it aches my bones and it hurts me to breathe another day, knowing what I've done, knowing what has happened to me haunts me still. I want my mom back," she whispered quietly, her voice becoming more fragile, along with her posture as her shoulders shook heavily with her breathing that became frantic. "I want my dad back, my brother. I want them back, I want them to love me again. I want them to be proud of me. But two out of three are dead and the other doesn't even fucking care for me anymore!" She shouted in the end, sounding so broken and devastated, but mostly defeated. "I tried so hard to make them proud, make myself proud, become better. I tried so hard to be happy, I tried so hard to get good grades, be a good daughter, a good sister. I tried so hard to be better. I tried so hard to not get involved with the bad kind of people, with drugs, with alcohol, even with smoking. I tried so hard to be what they wanted me to be. Happy, content, feeling good with how I looked or acted. Yet all I felt was ache, ache, ache, ache. I crumbled and they couldn't get me up from the ground. I felt like a monster. I feel like a monster. Like sanity has left me. I don't feel good about myself, nor my looks, my personality. I don't feel good about anything I do. I feel like I'm a waste of space. Everyone is better without me. You're better off without me. I don't want to talk, I don't want to feel. I want to be numb. I tried so hard to go numb, maybe it'd help, maybe it'd make me do better. But instead they got angry, instead everyone got angry at me. I lost my friends, I lost my family. I was put in a foster home, I got to know my parents were murdered, my brother being too far away to even go to their funeral. Hell knows where he is. I tried to get better, again. I failed, again. I failed, and failed, and failed. I keep failing!" She shouted the last sentence from the top of her lungs, every bit of self-hatred and deep ache coming with it. "I can't do anything right! The world should be fucking ready to let such a miserable piece of shit go. It has better things to fucking do rather than keep my ass on this fucking planet! I'm suffering for fucking nothing and I'm letting others suffer with me just by fucking being in their presence! I'm scared all over, I'm a disgrace!" Her voice broke and it was the point where her tears found their way onto their cheeks, her head ached and pounded, she felt slightly dizzy and her stomach turned whilst her chest tightened and her fists clenched themselves together until her knuckles turned white, even from her bloodied hand. "I am addicted to my own pain, you know? My own suffering. It's sick. I like to see my own blood flow outside of my skin. I like to stop myself from eating, I like to punch walls until my knuckles are numb from the pain and I've broken joints. I like getting myself drunk so I can feel miserable after," she spoke softer this time, letting out a few sickened and dark chuckles. "I'm such a fuck up, Toby," she whispered almost so soft it wasn't to be heard, whilst she found the courage to look up to him with her eyes. She looked defeated and exhausted, her make-up slightly messed up from the few tears that had fallen, yet she felt more well up and go. "I don't get why you're putting so much effort into me, I don't see a future. I don't deserve having someone to care for me, I only hurt people. I only make them suffer. I'm such a messed up human, I'm worse than some demons, isn't that crazy? I want to be good, but I don't think I have it in me.." She whispered quietly as she frowned since she felt more tears coming up, her breathing becoming sketchy, hiccups happening every now and then whilst she sobbed and hid her face in her hands, bawling her eyes out as it just all became too much at this point. "I just want to be good, I want to be good enough. W-Why can't I be good enough?" She hiccuped softly between hitchy breaths and sobs, her shoulders shocking along as her whole body began to ache from the deep pain within her heart.
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Halo
Feb 24, 2016 2:54:36 GMT
Post by Sara Gather on Feb 24, 2016 2:54:36 GMT
Tobias
He looked at her as he waited for her to open up her mouth again, and if she didn't, he'd wait all night for her to do so, he wouldn't let her get away with it this time, not if there still was a possibility for her to rob herself from her own life, he wouldn't allow her to do that anymore. Hell, he'd stay besides her the rest of her life, keeping an eye on her that she didn't die because of suicide. He bit his own cheek softly as he hd nothing to do and crossed his arms over his chest again, looking at her as she seemed lost in the feelings she had and she didn't know what to do with herself. It was sad. He let her thoughts alone for now because it would be useless to force her into something at this point, he didn't want her to cry due him because of him being pushy whatsoever. He was glad she had put out the blunt anyway, he could breath again, that ws a good thing for him anyway. He followed her with his eyes when she stood up and walked around her room, eventually punched her fist into the wall, but he just watched and did nothing, still waiting for her to speak. He listened to her when she eventually did and held his arms crossed over his chest, looking at her as she raised her voice again. The moment their eyes met he saw the look in her eyes and at one point he felt bad that he had stopped her from doing what she wanted to do, it should've been a peacefull death anyway if you took an overdose of sleeping pills, but it was not the solution she was looking for. "And you think that taking sleeping pills and drinking alcohol will help with that? You really think that? That's only making it worse, it's not curing it in any way, if it had been you should've been better already and didn't give a fuck about what happened around you in the past, but that's the point you are drinking right now and it will never get solved like that. And you don't know how it is in hell, if you're breaking down because of this, you sure as hell will cry everyday at least 10 times, and break over and over again. You won't find a solution with that, it'll only make it harder on you to a point that you don't even feel the urge to be hurting anymore." he spoke but kept quiet from that point on when she began to talk again and listened closely to everything she said, making sure he didn't miss a thing and bit his cheek again, staying focussed on every little word. "You made an early mistake on that point then. You can't be what you aren't. You can't make everyone happy by getting perfect, it'll drag you down and that is what gets you in this state of selfhatred right now. It's pitiful that it had to go like this. You didn't have to change your ways just to be a good daughter and sister, I made the same mistake and now I even think of why I'm alive if I can't live the life I want to live. But being stuck on it won't help you further. It's not suffering for nothing, Evelyn, that's called trying to get over it, though you got stuck in it and can't break lose. If people want to help you, let them. If people want to throw their lives away to get to you, let them. It's not your fault they can't handle it afterwards, they brought it onto themselfs." He said softly as he heard the whisper and he sighed softly, thinking of how he would act in to this. It was complicated for him too since he didn't know how to get her to calm down, and he didn't know much about her personality, about human's in general. "I guess you were right that it was my little angel part thingie, but I can't accet the idea of you going through this alone because it fucks you up more, and I don't want to see that." He said and he listenend to the last words she spoke what made him moe more towards her again and softly and carefully pulled her into a hug, stroking the tears away of her cheeks and he took a few deep breaths himself, the smell of weed making him feel more sick than before, but he'd keep it in. "It's okay," he mumrured softly as he thought of things to say again, but he couldn't really think of something, it was probably best for him to shut up at this point and try to let her calm down a bit again.
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Halo
Feb 24, 2016 3:14:08 GMT
Post by Mary-Anne Rogers on Feb 24, 2016 3:14:08 GMT
Evelyn
She was welling in her own pain and misery, and all he said just made her feel crushed down even more. As if she was stomped on, time and time again. As if her heart was crushed and her lungs were ripped apart. She trembled more, frowning deeper as she shouted out in anger: "This is the first time I've cried in five years! Maybe even more! I didn't even cry at my fucking parents' funeral, so do not dare to say that. You make it fucking sound like I'm weak and I'm already feeling like a fucking pile of shit so don't stomp on me even more and crush me even more! You told me to talk! You told me to!" She yelled and frowned when he spoke again, yet she didn't look up, she didn't dare. She didn't want to see his eyes anymore, nor did she want to see the emotions they held as she already felt disgusted by herself and could only imagine how disgusted he was by her, though his words eased her thought about that away. She got confused and needed a moment to take it in, as her mind was a mess and everything was all over the place. Nothing made sense anymore. "I know that my ways of coping only make things worse, fucking Sherlock," she whispered quietly and shook her head as she inhaled deeply and her fingers clenched around her face, gripping whatever they could. "Shut up.." She eventually just whispered, since she felt far too defeated to say anything else. She had said enough, she had yelled enough. Her throat was soar and her eyes were puffy and red from both the weed and her tears. She felt her heart beat irregular and quick in her throat, the lump becoming too big for her to speak with and her body feeling too heavy too move, she felt like crushing down onto the floor and crawling up, bawling her eyes out and crying for her mother to come and save her from the nightmare she was having, yet that wasn't reality. The moment she lived in now was and it was terrible to say the least. It shocked her when he stood close, she flinched slightly at his touch since it had been unexpected. She frowned at his embrace and he removed her hands to wipe her cheeks, it all the more confused her. She whimpered quietly under his touch and although he had removed the old tears from her cheeks, new ones were flowing again already. Two words infiltrated her hearing, making her look up to him for a small moment with her eyes as she suddenly broke down into more tears and her sobbing and hiccups became louder and occurred faster after one another. She hid her face in her hands again, resting her hands and head against his chest as she just cried, realization hitting her of how long it had been since someone just simple held them in their arms and comforted her, even with just two words it comforted her and she had missed it so desperately without knowing it. It felt so foreign to her, alien-like. She couldn't remember the last time someone had hugged her, told her it was okay, it felt as if a weight lifted off her shoulders and her feelings were accepted for once, yet she still wouldn't calm down as she was just crying more due to that reality hitting her like a brick. Her heart dropped in her chest and she couldn't help but move more into his embrace, wanting to feel the warmth of his body and the comfort and safety that she searched for. She realised it now that she had needed someone all that time along, she needed someone to hold her and tell her it was okay when it felt like the weight of the world was crushing down upon her. She knew that her ways of living were bad and that she needed to change it if she even wanted a shot at becoming happy, but it all felt so familiar and she was absolutely terrified of getting out of her old habits. She whimpered again, trying to get her words together yet she struggled greatly. "I-I don't want to hurt you like I did o-others," she whispered so very quietly into his chest, although her hands saved his clothes from becoming stained with slight traces of make-up mixed with salty tasting tears. "I-I'm f-fucking terrified."
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Halo
Feb 24, 2016 10:26:02 GMT
Post by Sara Gather on Feb 24, 2016 10:26:02 GMT
Tobias
He had sighed due to her words and due to his own since he should be more carefull with what he said around her and he should remember that. "I didn't mean to say that you're weak, hell, I think you're one of the thoughest people I've met already," he murmured honestly after her words and looked at her again. "I'm sorry for that, I didn't mean to do that, my apologies," he said after on her following words as she had yelled, but he didn't react to the yelling more than to her just talking normally to him since he wanted to get her calm, and not more worked up since that wouldn't help either of them. He stayed as calm as possible himself as he closed his eyes slightly and held her a bit closer when she seemed to cry a bit harder right now and he felt her lean in to his chest after a short while. He tilted his head a bit to the side as he held her close, still carefull that he wouldn't hurt her, but he tried to get her as much as possible against his body when she searched for safety and comfort and he tried to give her that. He didn't know she would react like this, he had thougt she'd just push him away, but he didn't mind, he liked it himself that she was true to herself right now and he closed his eyes slighty again, sighing softly in the progress. When he heard her whspering he opened his eyes again and looked down at her as h stroke softly over her back because just standing was boring. "Hey, you shouldn't worry about that, I can take a hit, you won't hurt me that easily," he said softly to her as he heard her following words and even smiled slightly. "It's okay, Evelyn, I can understand it is for you," he whispered as he sighed out softly after his words when he came to calm down himself again and he looked around her room for a bit, looking at the ring that were now scattered across the floor. He wanted to joke about it, but he would let that be for another time, he didn't want to ruin the mood. He hadn't thought that this would get so much of a reaction out of her, that she would burst out to tears and stood like this with him, it surprised him a lot. Now he just had to think of a way to help her through it all and make sure to get her on the right track, it would be a big task if he thought about it, but he wanted to help her and so he would.
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Halo
Feb 24, 2016 11:16:43 GMT
Post by Mary-Anne Rogers on Feb 24, 2016 11:16:43 GMT
Evelyn
He kept on confusing her by apologizing for the words he had spoken and had angered her, which made her frown deeply. It was so odd to hear an apology that it almost didn't feel sincere, but she knew better. She nodded slightly to his words, though she didn't believe she was one of the toughest people he had ever met, she did appreciate his apologies greatly after all that had been said. She sighed out softly, being so emotional was extremely tiring and it made her feel even worse, yet her breath was still sketchy and she was still crying, though her sobs and hiccups became more silent again, which meant she was slowly calming down from her breakdown. She furrowed her eyebrows when he spoke again, shrugging slightly as she didn't exactly know if he could take a hit, people usually said they could take a hit and then they left again. She gripped her skin a bit tighter at that thought and tried pushing that uncertainty and fear away, yet it wasn't easy and overpowered most of her mind. His words were comforting, he understood that for her it was terrifying, he didn't have to be scared, but he accepted that she was and that once again helped her, yet also shocked her. She had leaned into his embrace more as he had held her closer, which she appreciated greatly with how her knees were shaking. She bit her bottom lip and inhaled deeply, wiping her tears away whilst she kept her head down, telling herself to stop crying in her mind now that she had calmed down enough to do so. She was done crying, she didn't want that vulnerability anymore, she needed to stop. Yet silent tears flooded over still, making her wipe them away rougher.
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Halo
Feb 24, 2016 11:38:59 GMT
Post by Sara Gather on Feb 24, 2016 11:38:59 GMT
Tobias
He noticed how she didn't had to receive this kindof affection in a while and now he knew that she really had needed it all the years that she had stood alone on that part, and it angered him in a way that no one had noticed her being like this, but it would be fine now. He would help her get over the things she wanted to get over and with finding the right path for her, trying to take the pain way slowly until she could live happily. He chuckled slightly again as she shrugged at his words and looked down on her. "I've been around for almost 600 years, I've seen some shit and I've been through some shit, don't worry, you're not going to hurt me that easily, okay?" He said softly to her as he still held her in his arms and sighed softly. "I'll help you through all of this, in any way I can possibly help, I will. I can't do everything though," he said on the same soft tone as he stroked over her back again and felt her lean more in his embrace eventually what made him feel better about the situation. He noticed how her knees seemed to be weak at this point and he made sure that he'd be able to catch her if she would fall, but it seemed fine till now. He closed his eyes again as he listened to her thoughts and made sure to catch every little detail in her body to be sure that she was okay. In the meantime he healed the inside of her cheek since it had been torn open pretty badly and it wouldn't be pretty if she kept chewing on it. "It's fine," he murmured again softly and cleared his throath for a moment as he felt that his voice was becoming raw by talking with a low and soft tone, but he didn't mind, it's wasn't a problem. He removed a hand from her back as he made sure to wipe away her tears carefully when she was being rough and he held is hand on her cheek eventually, lifting her head slightly to let her look up just enough, making sure he didn't hurt her neck by doing so, since there was the hight difference. "It's okay now, you'll get through it," he said softly as he looked her in the eye, or atleast he tried so she could see that he was confident in his words.
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